Tuesday, May 3, 2011

OUR ADOPTION DECISION: the background story. . .

many of you have asked what led to our decision to adopt, so i thought i'd share it here for you.  We are EXTREMELY blessed by our two boys, ages 5 and 8. i can't imagine life without them, and i'm so glad God chose them to be ours.  Looking back, i was never the girl who "just wanted to get married and have kids".  i don't know why, but i just guess i didn't have that as my main focus.  i was excited about other things first, like going to college and maybe having a super exciting career.  i did expect to get married one day and just assumed i'd have children, but i had other plans as well.  that being said, whenever i did think about my "future" as a mother, i always had this mental picture of just having two children.  that seemed like a good number to me.  fast forward to my happy marriage to kevin. . . . we weren't in any hurry to have kids, and i'm glad.  it was really good for us, personally, to have some time with just the two of us.  finally, we were blessed by the arrival of Kaden, and 30 months later, russ.  let's just say things got a little busy around our house.  it was wonderful. . . and tiring. . . to be a mom to a toddler and infant.  after talking and praying (somewhat), i felt our family was complete, and asked kevin to consider "the" surgery.  after a while, he decided he would.  russ was 6 months old.

fast forward through a happy two years of loving on and chasing after two little wild men, and i began to have that "i wanna baby" feeling again.  WHAT?!?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  i tried to ignore it, thinking it would go away, but guess what?  it didn't.  i slowly realized that perhaps we (me mainly since i kinda had to talk kevin into it) had made the BIGGEST mistake of our lives. 

i can't even begin to take you through the anguish i put myself thru the next 3 years as i questioned, begged, pleaded with, and raged at myself and sometimes God over the fact that we'd have no more children.  i convinced myself that we would've had more if not for that stupid surgery.  we even looked into IVF and seriously considered it.  i tried time and time again to let go. . . .and sometimes i would. . . for a bit. 

i don't remember the exact time i started seriously considering adoption.  there was no big "lightbulb" moment.  more like a slow and steady calling. i worked up the nerve to discuss it with kevin, and we would only talk about it occassionally, and not indepth.  meanwhile, friends of friends began bringing home children from other countries. . . and i became fascinated.  our church had "orphan sunday" and we learned more about the plight of orphaned children around the world.  we decided to sponsor a child monthly (thru compassion international. . .scroll down for a direct link to their site) and began teaching our boys more about how not every child lives the life that they do.  I felt God tugging more and more at my heart, and i began to follow adoption blogs in earnest. . . especially those of people adopting from china. 
to be continued. . . . . . .